I have a great childhood memory of my dad and I standing in the back of the garage, I was around 8 years old. I don’t remember what we were doing, or even what I was struggling with that prompted this, but I’ll never forget his attention-getting statement or the lesson that followed.
He said: “Can’t never did nothing”
What?
He had stopped me in my tracks. My dad usually gave instructions very clearly, and that’s not good grammar. He had my attention. He was agitated at me and he repeated “Can’t never did nothing. We don’t say can’t in this family, so try again, sweetheart” 
You may hear that and think that he put a lot of pressure on his kids. Were we NEVER allowed to say that we “can’t” do something? Fast forward to 2021 and this isn't popular! We live in an era where this doesn’t seem politically correct. Keep reading.
My dad was ahead of his time, he just had his own approach. I Hope his wisdom will be passed on for generations to come because Dad was encouraging us to take a step back and listen, and then choose better words.
According to my dad, filling your own head with the word CANT was a sure way to stop trying to do things. I think he was right.Instead, CANT should be changed into one of these |
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Examples of this are when a child gets frustrated working on homework or building a complicated lego set. "I can't!" Or a teenager trying to build something, or learn something new. Or even an adult at work when someone has an idea to do something that hasn’t been done before.
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I need help doing this. Please teach me. Willingness to learn is a sign of good character, be willing to learn. This could also mean that I recognize that I need someone else’s expert help.
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When a job is too big you should ask for help. Did you know that is biblical? Check out Ecclesiastes chapter 4! We all need help sometimes, be humble.
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I won’t do this. This one shouldn’t show up too often, but when it does, pay attention. The person who says “I have a line that I won’t cross, and this is it” has integrity. It’s different from “I don’t want to do this” which usually reverts to #1 or #2 above. It is a sign of maturity to figure out internally which one you are dealing with.
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Empower the children in your life to tell an adult to back off if they are making them uncomfortable, in a kind way. Give teens the power to not follow the crowd when they are breaking a rule or a law. Raise your children with a value system and by the time they are adults, they will understand the difference between right and wrong.
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What it does not mean:
This phrase does not mean that you know everything and you will always be great at everything automatically. Dad knew better, although he didn't ever let on that he did.
From the time I was small till the day he died my dad believed that I could do anything.
This phrase does not mean that you know everything and you will always be great at everything automatically. Dad knew better, although he didn't ever let on that he did.
From the time I was small till the day he died my dad believed that I could do anything.
It is ok to fail, as long as you try - but if you try again, you probably won’t fail.
Life application: Take a moment to listen to the people around you today. Especially your children. Most likely you will hear the word “can’t” Which phrase could you encourage them to use instead?
A note to the next generation: This was written remembering my awesome dad, who passed away in November of 2019. Till the very end, he was sure that cancer wouldn't win. He never said he couldn't beat it, he just got tired at the end and had to let it win.
My kids have grown up with the same rules about the word "can't". Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Looking at the future, I consider this a life skill, and it gives me confidence knowing that my kids are going out into the world with this power. I hope they will pass it on to their children someday, too. Whatever situation they face I believe they can figure it out, and this is one of the tools they will use to do that.
Of course, my kids can do anything. How about yours? (wink, wink)
My kids have grown up with the same rules about the word "can't". Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Looking at the future, I consider this a life skill, and it gives me confidence knowing that my kids are going out into the world with this power. I hope they will pass it on to their children someday, too. Whatever situation they face I believe they can figure it out, and this is one of the tools they will use to do that.
Of course, my kids can do anything. How about yours? (wink, wink)
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One of the things I learned fast when I became a bereaved mom was that there are a lot of us. I'm not the only one who lost someone awesome. My hope is to share in this journey with you in an encouraging way.
My Alex used to wear a shirt that said "Blink if you think I'm awesome" I still think he's awesome. This is a place where you are encouraged to Blink, if you think your loved one is awesome, too.
Full transparency: I am a Christian. I am not perfect, but I am forgiven. Our faith is the foundation of our home. I hope my stories will point you to Jesus.
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